“Do girls want actual nerds, or do they want a guy who looks like a nerd but is strong? I’m still confused.” When Neal Brennan grappled with the idea of what women want from a man in a relationship, he described the pressure to be cool, awkward and appealing all at once, and Amy Poehler told him he was getting a taste of what women deal with every day.
The exchange came during a 2014 conversation on The Approval Matrix, hosted by Brennan, the co-creator of Chappelle’s Show. He’d been asking whether women wanted actual nerds or men who looked like nerds, and how men were supposed to keep up with shifting expectations.
Poehler picked up on the feeling of being expected to be everything to everyone. “Well this feeling that you’re having right now, which is like I’m supposed to be all things, is a feeling that women have every day and have their whole lives,” she told him.
She described the competing demands: “Like how can I be cool and tough but also sweet and you know.” Then she finished: “I’m glad you’re finally experiencing it as a white male.”
Brennan replied, “I’m sensing a tone.”