Molly Ringwald and her husband, author Panio Gianopoulos, have three rules for every argument: no contempt, no name-calling, and no accusations built on the word “always.”
Accusations like “You always do this” are among the things they’ve agreed to avoid while working through disagreements.
“I always tell my kids, it’s not worrying about whether or not you fight, it’s how you fight,” Ringwald said. “Something we always keep in mind is treating each other with respect, not speaking to each other ever with contempt, no name-calling.”
For Ringwald, that means addressing someone’s behavior without turning it into a label for the person. She says communication and ongoing care are central to keeping a relationship healthy.
The Breakfast Club actress, 58, and Gianopoulos, 51, connected through an online literary salon with mutual friends in the early 2000s, then exchanged emails. They’ve been married since July 2007 and have 3 children: Mathilda, 23, and 17-year-old fraternal twins Adele and Roman.
Ringwald has shared those relationship values with her children. Her dating advice to Mathilda includes being herself, respecting herself and never doing anything she doesn’t want to do.
Mathilda described her mother’s advice this way: “Oh, she’s like, ‘No second chances, don’t put up with all that.’”